Dear Friends & Family:

[I am writing this on May 25, & posting it on May 27]

May 26, 2009

Dear Friends & Family:


Due to financial situations, the wedding of Erica Sanders to Richard Meyer will not take place on August 22, 2009 as originally planned. We have made the mutual decision to not get married right now; we would like to extend our engagement before entering into the sacred union of marriage as one.


Genuinely,

Rick & Erica

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A copy of this letter went out to our entire wedding guest list on the morning of May 26. I am having a really, really hard time with all of this because it isn't completely financial reasons at all - it is that Rick has decided he is not ready to get married right now & that he would like to postpone things until he feels that our relationship is where it needs to be. Like I said, I am having the hardest time knowing how to cope or get grips of this whole ordeal - but I know that God works in mysterious ways & I know that there is a reason for everything.

My grandpa told me today [May 25] when I drove out to his property to get a little country fresh air that, "it is better to learn these things now, then after 30 years of marriage like he did" (he & my grandma divorced in 97). I replied to him by saying, "thanks grandpa but those aren't the most comforting words." Aside from that I never thought my grandpa would say anything to me at all about the whole situation... I suppose I never just show up at his house like I did today - but I didn't know where to go - yet knew I needed to go somewhere. And there is 30+ acres of land out there and it is so peaceful... and that is what I need is peace. When I first got there my grandpa asked where Rick was & why he wasn't with me & I told him Rick was at my house & that I was running away to get away from him & that he makes me crazy. My grandpa laughed, smiled & told me he understood and offered me a coke. I'm not saying my grandpa isn't a caring man - but seeing him today, and talking to him made me look at him differently. I love my grandpa.

Like I said above - I'm feeling stuck. Like I want to leap out and scream (oh, God - oh, God Lordy we know I've done that) And above all of this I am angry. I'm not sure who I am more angry with though. Myself. Or Rick. I just know that I am very upset, emotional, angry - I don't want to talk & sometimes I just want to say everything that is on my mind. Both of which I know isn't a good idea. I know that I need to turn towards God in this situation but to tell you the honest truth I'm a little mad at God, I'm disappointed. I suppose that is why we should not live with expectations... because if you go into a situation with an expectation you're bound to be disappointed.

I feel like some of the characters in the books I've read... beginning a new day, a new chapter in my life. If only I were the author. I know that the author of my life, has a plan for my life - even if it isn't exactly what I had in mind. But I suppose that is the best part... we are only in control to make decisions from the situations that He puts in our life - He knows what we're going to choose before we even make a decision for ourselves. He is not a co-pilot - He is fully in-charge and I need to step back and let Him take charge.